Monday, February 4, 2008

something so wrong/something so right

Have I gained your trust yet? Do you like me? Think I'm smart? Well, I've got to tell you something, and you probably aren't going to like it.

I love Velveeta.
I love it so much that I want to shout it from the rooftops.
I love it so much that I severely burnt my tongue on hot Velveeta dip, because I just couldn’t wait for it to cool. I finally understand the saying “hurt so good.”

I am trying to become a foodie, but sometimes my roots get the better of me. It’s not that I don’t love a good cave aged gruyere, it’s just that there is something about Velveeta that is so comforting about, so restrained. It’s what I thought cheese tasted like until I was about 25. Now, of course, I know better. I know that I should turn my nose up at Velveeta, cast it aside. But I just can’t. I am willing to let in all kinds of new food experiences, but I refuse to turn my back on an old friend. It’s you and me, Velveeta.

Friends forever.


Elements of Style said...

Velveeta+ a jar of salsa+a microwave= HEAVEN. I do have a small penchant for "trashy" foods like this so you only gained more of my admiration.

ben and/or anne said...

yeah, I don't think I'm going to read your blog anymore..

jen said...

uummm.... so i can admit to eating kraft american cheese slices and you won't think any worse of me? ;)

Jess said...

i think a key part of being a true foodie is not denying yourself any culinary pleasure. velveeta is one of mine as well. it got me through my formative years.

Chelsea said...

It's ok. I like it too:)

ben and/or anne said...

kraft? that might be going a little far... ok i guess i did LOVE those grilled cheeses from the U cafe ;)

Lulu said...

According to my food fundamentals professor (and a foodie herself) processed cheese has its place and should be enjoyed for what it is. Anyway, it's not like it is some sort of plastic! It is actually a combination of different cheeses with the whey added back in then aspetically if you told me you enjoyed CoolWhip....that's another story all together...its not a food but a petroleum product! Yuck! :-)

Emily said...

Have you tried Velveeta, spinach, Rotel, and cream cheese? It was in the coupons of the Sunday paper a couple weeks ago. I think the recipe called for bacon, but I left it out. It's a keeper.

Nino the Hypnotist said...


I regret to inform you that you have been brought up before the Foodie Tribunal for "actions unbecoming a foodie." To erase these charges, you have two options:

1. Do a review of Plugra butter. You can find it at Trader Joe's.

2. Bring donuts for every reader or clean up their houses. (This is the same punishment a Scientologist manager of mine gave me when I fell to "liability" level for questioning some of the companies we dealt with.)

BTW, I once sold car insurance to a woman named Velveeta.

Sara Christine said...

I am equally happy eating at a fine French restaurant, and scarfing Kraft mac and cheese on my couch.

Kudos to you!

Sarah Jio said...

Hilarious! I just stumbled upon your blog -- love it! I'll be reading!


becca mclarty said...

We were raised on Velveeta and look how well Chris and I turned out. My mom would only let us eat wheat bread, no sugar cereals, and never bought soda (she did this only for about five years and then said screw the healthy thing) but ALWAYS fed us Velveeta. Go figure.
Jen, I am beyond impressed with your blogging ability. I think I see a future.